I feel my slapping myself.
Seriously.
I should be feeling happy and confindent about the way i am.
BUT NOOO.
I gotta feel all crappy and like some loser...
Well i'm not going to be feeling sorry for myself anymore.
I JOLLY WELL DON'T DESERVE THIS KIND OF SHIT ANYMORE.
So i'm not going to care anymore.
The hurt is now turning into anger.
Which is bad and i should totally let it go.
But it's just like that okay!
What happened.
I can't say it's nothing and i don't think i can pretend anymore.
So forget it.
It's no point salvaging it anymore.
I just can't do it.
Not now.
I'm sure you'll be just fine without me.
I know you will be.
I can't change the ways things are.
I can't do it alone.
OMG.
Wth i don't know what i'm saying.
Maybe it'll get better after a while.
I don't know.
Depends on time now.
Gosh do i wish this was an once a week affair.
It'd be so much more easier.

Bio MYE yesterday.
I think i actually knew what i was writing!!!
Miracle i swear.
Miracle.
OH no.
And chem is tomorrow.
I can't wait till the papers are over till friday.
Even though i have no one to go out with at the moment.
I'll find someone.
HAHA.
If not i'll go house hopping!
YEA.
WATCH OUT YA'LL.
Chem is tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
I think i'm pretty screwed.
Help me. X(
Still have chinese (HAH) and math.
Thank heavens.
First small lap going to be over in a short while.
And OMG.
I have a new hot neighbour.
How awesome is that??? ;)
Can't wait to go out soon!!!



Adam Lambert:
- I'm trying to be a rockstar people. I shouldn't be eating ice cream. I need to lose some weight.
- Whoever is pretending to be me, shame on you. (Cause he doesn't have a Twitter account)

OMG TOTAL HOTNESS.
You know you can't deny it. XD

How just a single man, just one.
Can change the world.
Google thought they were being spammed even!
And there's like no news about Iran or H1N1 anymore.
He stopped the news!
The headlines is just that he's gone.
One album.
50 million.
Insane.
No one will dream of that kind of success ever in a lifetime.
Who doesn't know who's MJ.
HAS gotta be living in a rock.
He's just so insanely young.
He still as 50 years to go!!!
His childhood was so horrible...
People hated him even...
They accused him of things he never did!
You don't even need to be a genius to know just how lonely he was.
He cared about the world...
His music speaks to the whole entire world.
I wish i had the opportunity to meet him.
To at least see him perform.
FOREVER WILL HIS MUSIC, DANCE MOVES AND LEGACY LIVE ON!!!
I'm sure He will bless this selfless and compassionate man in heaven!
Michael Jackson I Love You!!!
All hail the King of Pop.






Who am i kidding.
I can't do this anymore.

Oh my GOSH.
I swear...
Why is it so freagging hard to let go???
It's been days since saturday...
My thoughts have all finally comprehended...
I know what i'm supposed to be doing and i know what i'm not supposed to...
But why is it so bloody hard?
WHY IN THE WORLD DID I OPEN MY STUPID MOUTH???
I hope i can get over this soon...
I will get over this soon...
It's no use feeling this way if nothing is returned.
For my own good.
I'm just so confused and...
I don't know...
I don't.

I felt like i was sharing...
I hated it.
I'm sorry for the selfish no-gooder i am.

Hey ho!
Everyone yo!!!
Haha.
I sound like josehpine! XD
Anyway.
I feel a lot better today.
I shall no longer be upset and well.
There will always be better days.
And there will maybe be someone else.
So i'm happy just going back to things as they were before as if all of us were just getting to know each other. :)
I just wanna be really happy myself too.
You're not going anywhere, so i won't be going anywhere.
So yup yup!!! :)
I don't want to waste my energy feeling sad when i can be happy!!!
HEHE. XD
I caught up with many friends since i came back on friday!
Via phone cause i don't really want to get anyone sick accidently.
But it just made me realise how much i miss and need them.
Especially to keep me in check. ;)
Of course i have new friends now as well.
But we still don't really know each other to that extent so...
Yea i just miss them so much and well i've learnt a lot of new things...
I'm happy i know what is happening in your lives, without me.
HAHA. :D
And even though we are all over the place.
Literally.
I'm just so so happy that nothing has changed. :)
And if you need someone i'm here!
I'll always be there to cheer you up with my bimbotic ways maybe and try guide you! XD
We must all go for founders yea???
It'll be awesome to see you guys again and i have stuff to pass to you so yup!!! :)
Hehe.

Btw please take note:

1. Everyone petition for extended holidays. I'm not just saying this cause i want them holidays but my friend had gotten the H1N1 and thankfully he's okay now. But still. It is kind of real. And i DON'T wanna fall sick. My record has been clean the whole year so. This thingy is kind of scary so just yea! EXTEND THE HOLS PLEASE!

2. My handphone has been confiscated. Hip hip hooray. If you need to contact me. Via email or my house phone or msn yea?

OMG.
AND HAS ANYONE NOTICED.
The weather is crucifying me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This earth is seriously screwed up.
Saving it now it's seriously too late... :(
Sometimes i wonder what those darn environmentalists and humantirains are up to.
COMMON.
Sometime it's just common sense isn't it when someting is OBVIOUSLY screwing up.
Sigh.
In the end it's all about blasted economics.
ECONOMICS.
Don't make me barf.
I'd rather be layman than speak weirdo mumbo jumbo.
LAYMAN ROCKS OKAY???
Stupid subject.
Anyways.
I've gotta go!...
Study.
Hopefully i can go out tomorrow with lena and my mellybabe!!! XD

Hey everyone!
I'm back from boys over flowers land!
HAHA.
Eww.
Other than being bombarded by korean shit left right centre.
OMG.
I seriously LOVED the weather.
It was AWESOMELY COOL and the mist was so COOL.
Never experienced it before so yea.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE WEATHER DID FOR MY FACE AND HAIR.
Wonderful i tell you.
HAHA. XD
Anyway the trip was fun!
I made new friends.
Edison, Symphony and Jun Wei.
Haha.
Pretty cool people they were. :)
And quite funny.
EVERYBODY, MY NAME IS BERN.
BERN. XD
HAHAHA.
SO random okay?
Out of no where Jun Wei just like pronounces it.
HE STOLE MY NAME EVEN.
To play chess.
WTH.
And of course melanie being melanie.
Ditched me for the boys...
SIGH.
HAHA.
ANYWAYS.
The tour guide was super nice and super cute too!
Her laugh is DA BOMB.
Seriously.
It sounds a bit like breathless and forced laughter but it's just like that.
SO CUTE. XD
But my daddy found it annoying.
And mel went high on laughter.
HOO BOY. XD
OMG.
And some weirdos tried to touch my teddy bear...
MOLEST I SWEAR.
IDIOTS!!!!!!!! X(
My poor teddy.
Oh well.
I have so much more to tell.
But i'm kind of lazy to type.
And i have a second paragraph.

You know on the plane on the way home.
I saw the movie 'He's just not that into you.'
And i was wondering.
Why the hell i didn't watch that movie on the way up...
But i guess it would've destroyed my trip a little.
Anyway.
I was just thinking about it.
And i feel quite stupid and embarrassed.
Cause i think i got some signs.
But i didn't get it then...
Until i saw the movie.
Nevertheless the movie also gave me a lot more hope and strength.
With a very strong prominent female lead.
I feel a bit like Scarlett Johansson's and Ginnifer Goodwin's character.
A combination.
That with all the mistakes made.
I'm a lot closer. :)
Well at least i think i am, and i'll just learn from this.
When i immediately called after touching down.
I kind of knew and sensed something different already.
So i guess i was just waiting for it to come.
And it did yesterday.
So while i was away...
Those messages, their value, and everything special, to me, just plummeted deep into the earth.
Gone.
Just like that.
What happened was wrong.
Everything.
And to the 3rd party.
I'm truly honestly sorry for everything.
I really really didn't want to, though i liked it and wanted to, cause i knew it was wrong.
If i ever meet you one day.
Hopefully i can apologize completely and sincerely.
I am very very heartbroken.
Especially yesterday.
No doubt about that.
But i still am me. :)
Cause well i still have a hell lot of time. :)
I'm really okay.

I did call you this morning.
But you didn't answer.
But i kept my promise.
I can't tell you how i'm honestly feeling.
I may be telling the truth or i could be lying.
You won't know now.
That sexy vampgirl.
She's not here anymore.
It's a bit difficult to persuade her to come out.
She's quite scared now...
However I'll be there if you need me.
To hear you out and talk to.
I'll always be by your side and be a good friend.
But it's just not going to be the same.
Cause of course you're still so important to me...
I'm still your friend. :)
After all the scolding.
From bills, to just lectures...
I think i'm tired and i've learnt my lesson.
I don't think i should get all this right now for being just willing to do everything for someone.
I shall wait...
And actually be patient till i find out for sure if both feelings will be true...
I'm sorry...
It was a very grave mistake that i actually now i think i regret.
I should have just shut up from the start.
I just made you confused and everything...
Because of my silly assumption.
Please please don't do so much for me anymore to that extent till it feels as if 'we' are like that, if not i'll feel worse.
And you're just not supposed to...
I'm gonna make sure i, totally, forget this crazy awesome feeling.

For a while at least...



JO JO, MELLYBABE, LENA, ELI-CHAN, FRANNYPOO... ... WATCH OUT!!!
I'M COMING OVER MAYBE AND PREPARE A BUCKET!!! XD ...



And i'll be back.

Hey all.
I'm really really exhausted.
Things are getting a little complicated as always for me.
But i guess it's really not that bad this time around.


1. Do I want to forget?

Honestly. No. I'd never chose to forget because the feeling is just wonderful but now it's becoming a bit unbearable. But i'll be okay eventually. And i can NEVER EVER forget who you are as a person. It's just mission impossible. :)


2. Are you ok?

No naturally i'm not. I don't think anyone in my kind of position would be. I'm just trying to be really strong for you and myself. I don't like being sad and i don't want to you sad cause of me... And i can't afford to see the principal. Gotta pass those blasted mid years. This has never happened to me before so, i'll learn to walk again. Don't worry. :)


3. Why me?

HAHA. I felt like saying this, 'Why not you?' Haha. Despite the fact that it's breaking rules. Lol. Of course no one think of themselves that highly but i takes someone to see it in you. UNLESS YOU'RE AN ARROGANT ASS. :P But most people aren't like that anyways i think, and definitely not you. Why? Because you saw me when i was invisible. Your smile and seeing you almost everyday when i'm sad it's like the rain on my window pane and the snow on my face that i have never felt before. (I LOVE the rain) It's absolutely lovely and thriling that makes me so joyful and warm on the inside. Though my expressions all have to do with the cold. Even though i may give you a slap of a pinch, you have no idea how i'm bursting with glee on the inside like a child. :) You encourage me, you try to see the best in me, you even shield me for ebil presences! You re-ignite that hope in me when i feel utterly loss and upset... Even your singing, it's enough to brighten my day... I can't be anymore grateful than i already am... If i could be anymore grateful, yea. I'd do that. :)


4. What are you thinking about?

I feel like giving up as much as i don't want to... Cause i honestly don't know what to do. I'm wondering why i was so foolish. I just seem to be so blind, looking in all the wrong places. Your friend. Maybe it's not right for you to do all... this... so often for me. You should be doing it for your friend right? And your friend, is so so... lucky.



I'm sorry....
And just remember,
I don't want you to ever leave my side,
Don't forget...

Hello everyone!
BOY.
I'm not sure if i made the biggest mistake or not.
I think i shouldn't have.
It's not right...
Not right...
But.
I meant every word.
You don't need to be Joe Jonas.
You just have to be you.
I like you just the way you are. :)
I don't like doing this to you.
That's why i never said.
I didn't want it to change anything.
I will remember to smile.
Cause i don't want you to feel sad or troubled by me. :)
And as long as you're happy.
I'll be happy. :)

I did it again.
Me again.
Not someone.
I feel like such a loser.
Haha.
GOSH.
Oh well.
And there's still EoM.
SHIT. X(



And I don't know
How to be fine when I'm not
Cause I don't know
How to make the feeling stop

Hey hey!
Sexy werelord has been coming over pretty recently!
THANKS so much for keeping me company and making sure i study! :)
You're always welcomed over. :)
Cheer up okay?
I really hate to see you down...
I feel horrible when you do! :(
Go powerful werelord!!! :)
I'll always have your back!
ZOMG.
Econs test tomorrow.
And i'm flying off next week.
Everything is just happening to fast...
I wish sometimes everything could slow down.
So i could have time to do things the right way...
Before i make some stupid mistake.
And one day i may be just be flying off for real.
There are so many things i want to say.
And so many things i can't.
Cause now just isn't the right time.
But i hope maybe i won't be too late.
There are so many people i want to thank and so many people i want to help.
And there are those who are moving on but i want to keep with me forever...
I want time to tell them.
I want time to show them.
I want time to even hold them.
To show them how much they mean to me...
There's only so much time i have.
I'll keep waiting.
Because they have to know.
They just have to...



You appeared ever quite suddenly.
And turned my whole world upside down.
And i think i'm falling accidently into ...